Chapter 2

People think I'm a failed actor. I think I just retired from it. I did work really steady in several TV movies, pilots, and a couple of studio pictures from the time I was 19 till I was 26. I was even in somewhat of a minor hit...maybe you've heard of it. It was called Now That's Cool. I guess there are some of you out there who haven't ever heard of it, so let me lay out the scenario for you: Jake was this orphan (not the character I played) who had lived most of his teenage years with my family (I played Gunner). Well anyway, Jake won something like 50 million in the lottery one day and of course everybody came out of the woodwork to get their piece of him. One of the sub-plots was his long lost parents were suddenly back in the picture and were they there for their son or the money. I know it sounds kind of lame but we started off really cool. The character Jake was really questioning what to do with the money and was really starting to realize that maybe his life would be better if he gave it all away. But of course like everything else in America, our producers dumbed the whole thing down and decided to move me and Jake into a swank place in Malibu so that we could bang everything that walked. Needless to say the show lasted about 3 more espisodes once that story arc took hold. So I guess that I was part of the first program ever where sex didn't sell.
I hate to complain and sound cliche', but I was really burned out once we got canceled. In a way I was relieved because I didn't particularly enjoy the whole fame game. Now I know what you're thinking...another guy who had all the money he needs and a great life just looking for something to whine about. Well let me tell you something...you're exactly right. I tell you one thing though, I bet you would be the same is exact way. It's human nature and boy do us human's just suck. It's also true what they say..."Once you've done blow off the butt of a Victoria's secret model, it's all downhill". Just kidding. I've never done blow. I was just to scared I guess. And even though I had a nice chunk of change in my pocket, I didn't have the enough money to overcome my looks to hook up with a Victoria Secret's model, or really any model. I take that back, I did date a girl who did a spread in the Spring Sear's catalogue...what was her name?
Anyway...after my "retirement" from acting I just kind of chilled for a couple of years. Problem was in a couple of years the money ran dry(due to some bad choices on my part, but we'll discuss that later), so I decided to go get a job and just live a laid back life. I guess the job I picked proves that I'm a glutton for punishment; a video store clerk. There is no end to the amusement a 14 year old boy gets out of checking out a crappy movie you were in. I had at least one kid a day rent a copy of "O Homie, Where you At", (it was the straight-to-video hip-hop version of "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou" that I did. No I'm not proud of it and yes they were only checking it out to mock me...no one...I repeat no one liked this movie...well except for our financer, Diddy). They would watch me scan it in and hope for some reaction from me, I use to make a scene and tell them that this was the best work I had ever done. After awhile that got old though and I started telling everyone that it was really a statement on neo-classical physics as it applies to racism, but they just looked at me like I was gurgling poop so I stopped that to. I thought all the teenagers that worked with me in the store would kind of look up to me and be honored to have someone such as myself as a co-worker. I had these fantasies of us hanging out and me being the cool one that everybody went to for advice...never happened though...I think it was because A. I kind of freaked em out and B. Most of them couldn't go out on a school night. This brings up a point though...
I was bummed because people didn't worship me because of celebrity, yet I got out of the business because people did...man...ah...I suck. I guess I just can't be pleased. Anyways, the video store clerk thing fizzled out when they asked me to be Assistant Manager. I quit on the spot cuz I am not going to be "The Man". I decided I needed a new direction in life, a serious career if you will. I thought about going back to school, then I remembered I hate to read. I decided I needed to find a job where I could have creative freedom to express myself and that is how I ended up working the griddle at IHOP.